


Used to Be More

by TheArcher



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: M/M, Porn with Feelings, brief drug mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:20:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27886666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheArcher/pseuds/TheArcher
Summary: It had been a long day. Duke had woken up in Boston, broken out of handcuffs and a hospital, picked up Nathan from being a side show attraction, helped him manage a trouble, and moved Jennifer into Audrey’s old apartment… it had been a long day.-After Duke picks up Nathan and brings him to Haven they have a talk about their tension. And then they have sex.
Relationships: Duke Crocker/Nathan Wuornos
Comments: 8
Kudos: 18
Collections: Haven 2020 Gift Exchange





	Used to Be More

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jadzibelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadzibelle/gifts).



> Title is from Partners in Crime by FINNEAS, a big inspiration for this. Written for an exchange with the prompt "Duke & Nathan Have To Address History" which has so much fucking meaning it could spawn a dozen fics easily. I hope the giftee thinks this is a good start!

It had been a long day. Duke had woken up in Boston, broken out of handcuffs and a hospital, picked up Nathan from being a side show attraction, helped him manage a trouble, and moved Jennifer into Audrey’s old apartment… it had been a long day.

So when Nathan said he needed a motel since he hadn’t paid rent in 6 months, Duke told him to shut up and take the spare room. After shoveling his face with take out, Duke fell back on his bed and passed out. He expected to sleep for 12 hours at a minimum. But of course, he never gets what he expects.

His bedroom door clicked open. Then footsteps walked closer.

“Nathan,” he said, not opening his eyes, “If you’re gonna kill me, you picked the perfect time. I’m too tired to fight.”

The footsteps stopped and the intruder didn’t say anything. Duke could hear his breathing though. It was definitely Nathan. But it wasn’t an emergency or he wouldn’t be so delicate about it.

“What?” Duke asked.

Another click and the bedside light turned on, casting warm light that tinted his eyelids.

“Wanted to see you.” Nathan murmured.

Duke groaned and opened his eyes. Nathan was standing in borrowed pajama pants and undershirt, hands at his sides, eyes wide awake and running up and down Duke’s body where it laid over the covers.

“What are you doing?” Duke asked, squinting in the light.

“I thought you were dead.”

“What?” Duke sat up at attention. What had happened while he was asleep?

“For six months.” Nathan said. 

Oh right. He didn’t mean just now. He meant Duke had been presumed dead for a while. When was the time difference going to stop being weird?

“Yeah,” Duke fell back onto the headboard. “I’m sorry. Must take some getting used to.”

“I just wanted… to see you again. Because I couldn’t for so long. I thought I never…”

“Honestly I wouldn’t have expected you to be so torn up about it. You seemed pretty interested in getting me out of your life.”

Nathan shook his head. “No.”

“No?”

“When I thought you were dead it was like… All that stuff that I hated you for…”

“All that stuff.” Duke sighed. All That Stuff meant their entire history. And there was a lot of it. He slapped the bed with hand. “Sit down.”

Nathan didn’t move. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Yeah.” Duke laughed. “But you did so. Let’s talk about all that stuff.”

Nathan shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. We don’t need to-”

“We do. We need to talk about it. Because we’ve spent years not talking about it. I’m not dead yet and the odds of both of us staying alive for much longer is getting lower by the day. So...” Duke moved to the side and tapped the space next to him significantly, making eye contact. 

Nathan moved like his body was weighing him down. He hauled his legs onto the bed and sat next to Duke, leaning on the headboard and looking forward. Funny, since Nathan had come in here to look at him. 

What a surreal thought that was. Nathan had missed him. He just wanted to _look_ at him again. Duke wanted to look at Nathan too and he could, so he did.

They sat in silence. The Cape Rouge could be pretty quiet when the weather was nice and the company was small. It wasn’t a comfortable silence. There were so few ways of being comfortable between them. But they were uncomfortable in the same way. They were going over the same memories.

“When you left.” Nathan broke the silence like he was coming up for air. “And I don’t think it was wrong for you to leave. I get that things weren’t good here for you, but it was like… it was like you burned all your bridges on the way out.”

Duke nodded. He and Nathan hadn’t run in the same circles in high school but they were mostly friendly. But Nathan went to college and Duke went on jobs for whoever was looking for someone. Then he’d won the Rouge and his freedom. Well, “won” in an apparently predetermined way, thanks to his father. Duke’s jaw clenched in frustration.

“Yeah, I really went on a Fuck You tour. Didn’t want anyone to expect me to come back. But I didn’t mean for it to get to you.”

“Having to find out from someone else was worse.”

“Clearly. That was the first time you punched me on the Rogue. I mean far from the last but-”

“You said you didn’t have anything in Haven to stay for.”

Duke nodded. He did say that.

“What was I supposed to think?”

“Exactly what you did I guess. I didn’t want to imagine you waiting for me to come back.”

“Who says I would’ve been waiting?”

Duke almost laughed at that. “Was I making the wrong assumption?” He turned to see Nate shrug. “Nate.”

“You were my first.” Nathan watched his hands rub against his legs, attempting to remember the sensation. “My first friend. My first kiss. My first everything.” His mouth was turned up, almost a smile but not quite. Not entirely sure whether those memories are happy or not.

“I know. That was the problem.” Duke took one of Nathan’s hands, resting it in his lap. “Didn’t want to be tied down.”

“I wouldn’t have tied you down.”

“If you had asked me to come back to Haven-”

“I wouldn’t.”

Duke lifted his head to see Nathan eyeing him with seriousness. “No?”

“I stayed in Haven because I thought I _had_ to. I knew about the Troubles and I knew my dad was messed up over work and my mom, the Colorado Kid stuff. I completely understood why you wanted to leave. Hated how though.”

“Sorry.”

They watched their clasped hands, Nathan squeezing and releasing, observing the motion he couldn’t feel.

It was a nice moment, all things not considered. 

“And,” Duke pushed out. “I’m sorry I told your dad about the drugs.”

Nathan squeezed his hand, going farther than he had before, tightening as much as his fingers would let him. Duke didn’t wince. Nathan relaxed his fingers.

“He thought it was mine, Nate.” Duke whispered, like that would soften the past somehow. “I thought I was gonna go to jail. Prison!”

Nathan didn’t say anything. His fingers continued their flexing, but didn’t push as far anymore.

“I don’t want to make excuses. I told him and you paid the price, but-”

“But better me than you.”

Now Duke was the one clenching their hands too hard. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“No, I’m saying it.” Nate looked at him. Straight in the eyes for the first time that night. “It was better me than you. The chief’s son being caught is way different than the local misfit." He sighed. 'You were right. I was wrong.”

Duke blinked. “I… wow. I can’t believe I just heard Nathan Wuornos say not only that I was right, but that he wasn’t actually on the side of the righteous one hundred percent of the time forever.”

Nathan laughed. “Shut up.”

“Man, I should die more often.”

“Nah. Once was enough.”

Nathan’s shoulder pressed to his. Duke pushed back, playfully. Nathan turned to him completely and leaned closer. Their faces were close, noses almost brushing. Breath mingling and making the space between them hot. A hand reached up and wrapped around Duke’s neck.

“What are you doing, Nate?”

“I don’t want you to think I don’t… I dont want you to die without you knowing.”

“Knowing what?”

Nathan leaned forward and kissed him.

Duke knew what he meant. He kissed back. He ran his hands up Nathan’s side and hated that the shiver was only felt by himself.

Duke pulled back a little to look in Nate’s eyes. Had they been open the whole time? “Is this,” Duke hesitated. “I want you to get something. I want this to be good for you.”

Nathan smiled. “Here I thought Duke Crocker would always be bad for me.”

“That was then. People change.”

Nathan brought a hand up and raked his fingers through Duke’s hair. “You didn’t. Thank god. You were always good to me.”

Duke pulled him back in. This time he left his eyes open and watched as Nathan’s eyes fluttered, watching him back.

Nathan swung his leg over and sat carefully in Duke’s lap. His hands ran up Duke’s chest and shoulders, squeezed his arms. He leaned forward and ran a tongue up his collar bone.

Duke shuddered and Nathan moaned. “I can taste you.”

“Taste away.”

Nathan leaned back in and inhaled Duke’s scent, mouthing along his neck.

Duke had always been into the sucking and biting scene, but the tongue alone was actually doing some _very_ good work. His breath hitched a little and then he groaned louder so Nathan could hear him. When the tongue got to his jaw, Duke’s hands wrapped around Nathan’s hips, squeezing a little but that tilted his hips and pulled him in. He turned his wrists back and forth, trying to give Nathan feedback, moving his body in a way he might not feel but would be aware of nonetheless.

Hands pulled and pushed against his shirt, not sure which way to move. Duke pushed Nathan a little ways away to give them some distance so he could shed his shirt. Nathan did the same and the second he could, the hands were back. Nathan watched his hands with intent as he moved them over his chest slowly. His nails brushed Duke’s nipples once, then when he saw him jump, repeated the move again. 

“God.” Nathan said. “You’re beautiful.”

Duke lifted Nathan’s chin with a finger. “Yes I am.”

"Jerk." Nathan laughed into his mouth. Mouths met, noses bumped and tongues rubbed and moans were pulled out.

Duke grabbed Nathan’s hair and moved him around, pulling him away and tilting him to a different side, moving him so he knew he wasn’t floating alone. Their chests rubbed together, skin pulling in the places it wasn’t already slick with sweat.

One hand traced the dip in Nathan’s throat that had always made him cry out when they were together. He didn’t now, but Duke remembered what he sounded like when he could feel.

Hands pushed him back and he hit the headboard.

“Sorry!” Nathan said. “I didn’t mean to push you that hard. I just got excited.”

Duke laughed. “That’s what I was going for.”

“I don’t… I wanna suck you off but I don’t know if I’ll be any good at it.”

“Oh Nate.” He put his hands over Nathan’s still on his chest. “You were never any good at it.”

Nathan rolled his eyes. “Okay, now I know that’s a lie.”

It was, but Duke was having fun talking about their past without it leading to a fight.

“Hey you tried your best but honestly you tried too hard.” He laughed. “I mean you didn’t have to go for the deep throat _every time_.”

“You do know I can see right through you, right? All that dick choking wasn’t for me. You loved it.” Nathan sat up on his knees so he was looking down at Duke. “Every. Time.” 

They grinned at each other, echoes of past pleasure passing between their eyes.

Duke took one of Nathan’s hands and pulled it to his face. He kissed the wrist and licked up the palm. Mouth open, he rubbed the fingers on his tongue making eye contact. Nathan’s cheeks flushed as Duke licked between his fingers.

“What if I choke you down this time?”

“Fuck.” Nathan shuddered. He moved back, looking behind him to make sure he didn’t fall, and laid down to pull off the pajama pants.

Duke ran his hands up Nathan's bare thighs, looking up his body, open and inviting. Dick half hard and waiting. His head tilted up to watch Duke between his legs.

Duke turned around, grabbed a pillow from the top of the bed and smacked him with it. “Need that?”

Nate laughed. “How helpful.” He yanked the pillow from Duke’s hands and laid on it, neck cushioned now. The show was important after all. Unfortunately no eyes closing in pleasure. Eyes had to be open at all times now.

Duke went back to kissing Nate’s thighs, going slowly, working his way up and throwing one of Nate’s legs over his shoulder.

His tongue lapped messily over Nate’s balls and up his shaft, which twitched with interest. His mouth wrapped around Nate’s dick and he felt his hair fall in front of his face. Nathan’s hands came up and pushed and pulled it back, holding it back in a fist.

Duke came up for air. “Gonna move me around, Nate? Go ahead. Put me where you want me.” He winked then put his mouth back.

Nate swore again and, maybe without meaning to, the leg over his shoulder dug into Duke’s back. He gently pulled on Duke’s hair until he moved up and down on his dick.

He sucked a little, just to get that rhythm going in his cheeks, but kept himself relaxed so he could be pulled around easily. Nathan moved him irregularly, going slow to fast to slow again. Duke thought it was kinda nice to not have to work so hard at a blowjob.

The thought made him laugh to himself, spitting around Nathan's dick.

Nate pulled him off. "What's so funny?"

Duke wiped his mouth and looked up. "Just because it's a blow _job_ , doesn't mean it needs to be blow _work_."

“You are insufferable.” He was trying not to smile but he failed.

"You like watchin’ me?"

"So. Hot."

"Think you can come like this?"

Nathan winced and shook his head.

"It's like... watching porn after you already got off. Your brain is into it but your body isn't quite able."

Duke kissed his hip. "I'll at least have fun trying."

"Duke.” Nathan sat up and pulled Duke’s head up to meet him. His eyes ran down Duke’s body. “Take off your pants. I want to taste you when you come in my mouth."

Duke groaned, “God I missed you.”

Nathan pushed him back into the headboard and he spread his legs. Hands squeezed his legs and pushed them up so Duke had his feet on the bed. Nathan wrapped his hands around Duke’s legs so his thighs were bracketing his head. 

He went down tongue first, lapping up the precome from the head and running all around. Nathan moaned gently from the taste and that made Duke’s stomach tighten with desire. The best part about being sucked down by Nate was it was first and foremost for _Nate_. No matter what he said about those deep throats, Nate liked ripping those groans from Duke’s throat.

“Fuck yeah.” Duke sighed.

Nathan looked up, mouth still on his dick and sucked his way up, sliding off. “Again.”

Duke blinked. What? Oh. Talking. “Fuck, Nate, you look so good. Can’t believe you thought you couldn’t do this anymore. You’re fuckin perfect. You were always great at this. Of course you are. You’re great at everything you love right? So fucking good.”

Nathan whined and moved faster on his dick, drooling and relishing in the wet sounds.

“Yeah that’s it, sweetheart. Oh, I’m gonna come. You ready for me?”

Nathan hummed around the head and it was all Duke needed. Hips jerked in small circles and Nathan swallowed and licked him through it.

Duke panted coming down. Nathan stayed down, watching Duke soften, pressing numb fingers into his hips. 

“Hey.” Duke whispered. Nate looked up. “Come here.”

Nate untangled his arms from Duke’s legs and he crawled up, sat next to him and leaning into Duke’s chest. He nuzzled into Duke’s neck, not unlike that very morning when he saw him for the first time in months, and inhaled.

Duke wrapped his arms around him and did the same. He had thankfully showered since then, though they were definitely a little more sweaty than would be typical for what they were up to. Nerves maybe. This had been a lot.

“Thank you.” Duke said.

Nathan chuckled. “Any time.”

“Not for that.” Duke slapped Nathan’s ass to make a satisfying smack. “For coming here. For talking to me.”

“Yeah well. There was a lot unsaid.”

“ _Still_ a lot unsaid.” Duke remembered Nathan had never actually spoken the exact feeling he felt for Duke.

“Easier done than said. Not everything needs words.”

Honestly? Yeah. There was so much happening right now that was unbelievably difficult to put into words. But now Nathan was here. And they were okay. Not the same, of course. He wouldn’t even want the same. But Duke understood this feeling between them better than words could say. The rest, they would figure out together.


End file.
